Why Change Is So Hard (And What To Do About It)

We’ve all been there, knowing exactly what needs to change, yet somehow staying stuck in the same cycle. Whether it’s leaving a relationship that no longer serves us, breaking a habit that drains us, or finally setting the boundaries we’ve been avoiding, change can feel… impossible.

As a therapist offering online therapy in Canada, I often hear people say, “I know what I need to do, I just can’t seem to do it.” And honestly? That makes complete sense. Change isn’t just a mental decision: it’s an emotional, physiological, and sometimes even spiritual process.

Let’s unpack why change feels so hard, and how you can start making it easier on yourself.

1. Change Feels Unsafe (Even When It’s Good for Us)

Our brains love familiarity. Even when the familiar isn’t healthy, it feels safe, predictable, controllable. The unknown, on the other hand, can trigger our anxiety and survival responses. That’s why even positive changes, like starting therapy, leaving a toxic job, or setting new boundarie can make us feel uneasy.

If you notice fear or hesitation, it doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means your nervous system is doing its job: protecting you. Healing often begins when we can gently reassure that protective part of ourselves: “It’s okay to feel scared. I can handle this.”

2. The Resistance Is Often the Real Work

It’s not the process of change that’s hard, it’s our resistance to what we’ll have to face. Many of us grew up in environments where mistakes were punished or change was unsafe. So, when growth asks us to be uncomfortable, we push back.

We might:

• Talk ourselves out of taking action (“It’s not that bad.”)

• Get busy “preparing” without ever acting

• Beat ourselves up for not doing enough

This inner resistance is part of the healing journey. The key is to stop fighting it and start getting curious about what it’s trying to protect you from.

3. We Expect Change Without Support or Rest

We can’t pour from an empty cup. Real transformation requires energy, time, and often, the right support systems, including therapy, friends, and community. If you’re burnt out, grieving, or just surviving, your capacity for change will be limited. That’s not a flaw; it’s human.

Before pushing yourself harder, ask: “Do I have enough safety, rest, and support to change right now?”
Sometimes, the bravest step forward is to pause and resource yourself first.

4. We Don’t Yet Believe We Can Handle Discomfort

Change demands that we tolerate discomfort — uncertainty, fear, sadness, even guilt. This is where anxiety therapy or online counselling can help build distress tolerance — the confidence that you can feel uncomfortable emotions and still move toward what matters. When you start practicing this, discomfort stops being something to avoid and becomes a signal that you’re growing.

5. Our “Why” Isn’t Clear Enough

Change without meaning rarely lasts. To stay motivated, you need a clear and authentic “why.” Maybe it’s peace, freedom, or becoming the person your younger self needed. Whatever it is, your “why” becomes your compass when things get hard.

Ask yourself:

• Why is this meaningful to work on?

• How might I feel when I accomplish this?

• What’s on the other side of this discomfort?

When your reason for change is stronger than your reason to stay the same, things start to shift.

6. Growth Requires Compassion (Not Perfection)

Change doesn’t happen in straight lines. You’ll relapse, resist, restart — and that’s okay. Healing isn’t about perfection; it’s about learning to meet yourself with compassion along the way.

If you’re working through old wounds, trauma, or anxiety, online therapy in Canada can be a gentle space to understand your patterns, build new coping skills, and learn to trust yourself again.

You don’t have to do this alone. Change might be hard, but staying stuck is harder in the long run, and you deserve a life that feels aligned, safe, and free.

A Final Note on Healing and Hope

Remember: wanting to change is already a form of change. It’s your mind and body signalling readiness, even if it feels slow or uncertain.

So, go gently. Rest when you need to. Reach out for support when it feels too heavy. Healing is not about rushing forward — it’s about moving steadily, with awareness, courage, and self-kindness.

If you’re ready to explore change and healing at your own pace, consider connecting for online therapy. Together, we can explore what’s holding you back and help you move toward the life you truly want: one compassionate step at a time.